Sometimes I just don't want to talk about it

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People are always telling me to talk or write about my experience since I have come down with NMO but sometimes I simply do not feel like talking or writing about it. For the most part I am very positive and my faith is strong but sometimes at night when I go to sleep I wish this was all a bad dream and I will wake up like I use to and get up and walk to the restroom to start my day instead of transferring to my wheelchair and rolling to the restroom. I have days when I want to ran, jump, be free or just hop in my car and go for a drive which is something I cannot not freely do at this time and those are the days I don't feel like talking. I am a grown woman and I have to always have someone with me when I go the bathroom, to get dress, go out and the list goes on... Don't get me wrong I appreciate everything that everyone does for me but I want my independence back, I can't even date or be in a relationship right now because I am not strong enough to be able to go out and do things by myself.  This is my reality right now and some days are harder than others but I try to continue to smile and keep my head up because this situation is only temporary. I might have this crazy auto immune disease but I refuse to let it dictate my mood daily, with all the ups and downs of this disease I am still blessed, as you can see I'm in the mood to talk about it today but like I said previously some days are easier than other days and this happens to be an easy day.

This disease is so rare but I do not ask God why me because why not me? The only thing I ask for is God's healing upon my body and to give me strength in my body to walk again. I came down with NMO in 2010 and then had a relapse in 2012 where I could not move or feel my legs, thank God I regain feeling in my leg and I am able to move them again. I'm praying for no more relapse and just moving forward with my healing, I have been doing physical therapy which seems to really be helping my healing process but the only complaint I have is the pain I always have in my back, I can only sit in my wheelchair for a short period of time before I have to get in my bed and lay down. I have spoken to my doctors and they have ran numerous test to be sure the lesions on my spine are not growing, thankfully I can say the lesions on my spine are actually decreasing in size. I'm taking it one day at a time and continuously staying faithful.

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